healthy lifestyle

Tree Rings

“The new normal” is a phrase we hear a lot. Many of the lifestyle changes we see, from some elements of social distancing to an explosion in online grocery shopping, are likely to continue on as people find their way going forward. Online grocery, for example, has been around but wasn’t widely popular before. Now that more people are used to it, it will likely become a regular part of their life. Culture changes and advances over time; it always has. An epic event, a “tree ring” moment if you will, like 2020 and COVID-19, accelerates that change.

Reinvention

There are plenty of book and movie plots about putting someone into a completely new environment. The lack of shared history gives the character a chance to recreate themselves. Sure, you were a nerd in your old town, but with a fresh start you can be one of the cool kids! Set the tone early and you can become anyone you want to be.

It’s a concept I embraced as a teenager. Heck, I actually got to live it for a year even before college! Growing up on a farm near a small town in Iowa, I was awkward and a huge nerd – but the bullying I faced in elementary school was mostly behind me by junior high and high school. Being in a small town (class of 40), there were a lot of blurred lines between the jocks, band geeks, etc.

Junior year, I went to Germany as an exchange student. Suddenly, I was popular. The kids all wanted to talk to me about living in the US, and to teach them American slang. I traveled to Rome, to West and East Berlin (the Wall was still up when I was there), Switzerland, Austria… Such an amazing year. I still did nerdy things but found a way to incorporate them into a marginally “cool” personality.

I came back 10 inches taller (not a typo) with a different appearance and attitude, and largely reinvented myself again for senior year, which rolled into college. The truth is a lot of the “new me” changes I made were not great choices. But I made life long friends, learned a lot about myself (although some of the lessons didn’t take until 30 years later) and became a version of grown-up me.

Fun Story… Where Are We Going With This?

What I take from all this is we can make a choice. I never exercised before five years ago; now basically every day I do something – a walk, a long run, hills, HIIT – some sort of exercise is a part of my life. I choose (now) to work out and work towards my goals. The alarm goes off at 4:30; I get up and do it and keep a steady schedule. Some days it really sucks and I hate it. But I get up. (I have been going to work most days at both “essential” jobs so I’m not feeling as penned in as others.) Again, it’s your choice. Whatever your body allows, you can do it. If you need to, talk to your doctor or a trainer and find something that works for you.

There was a time I was a “eat the whole sleeve of cookies” guy. Now I might not eat any, but if I do, it’s usually just one. It’s a choice. (I make an exception for my mom’s Russian Rocks. They are my Kryptonite – and I’m good with that!) We are dealing with an experience we will tell our grandchildren about. What story will you tell?

You are being handed a perfect tree-ring moment here to make the changes you want. You just need to choose what to do with it. Start today; do one thing for yourself. Walk, run, bike, dance, sing, paint, clean… Make one change and start a new tree ring. Then get up and do it again tomorrow. Remember, a drought doesn’t end in one day. But without that first day of rain, the drought will keep going.

Cover photo credit

Good Things Come…

It just takes some time,
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything everything will be just fine
Jimmy Eat World, “The Middle” 2001

It’s a virtue, they say, but I’m not so good at the patience thing… When I launch a project, I want immediate results, like most people. Although it’s considered a very American trait, it’s really fairly universal in our 24 hour news cycle, social media world. We as a country have, however, made an art form of instant gratification.

Is quicker really better though? I would argue that the journey, striving to achieve your goal, makes it that much sweeter when you get there. If it comes too easily, can you really value the reward? (Mind you, I would say that while simultaneously wanting the race over, the project completed, the task checked off. Hey, I’m working on it!) To do it right, it just takes some time.

…To Those Who Wait…

I didn’t put on those extra pounds in a month; it’s not realistic (or healthy) to expect them to come off in a month. That seems logical enough, but the quick fix, shortcut method of weight loss will always get a lot more attention. I am asked all the time, “What was your trick? How did you lose the weight?” Diet and exercise is never the answer they are hoping for; I can see their faces fall when I tell them.

The truth is, shortcuts usually don’t work, or don’t hold up over the long haul. That’s not to say some of them can’t be good tools along your journey – if it helps and you are getting results, more power to you.

In truth, we should be encouraging people to focus on fitness – not just weight loss. Losing weight is often a part of the journey, but cutting weight also cuts muscle. Focusing on fitness and building muscle may actually increase your weight – but it will cut inches, increase your strength and stamina, help your heart function, and the list goes on. Don’t get hung up on the scale; focus instead on how you feel.

…If They Put In The Work

I am not aware of any Fitness Djinn who will snap their fingers for you. No, in the words of the illustrious RuPaul, “you better work!” Every intentional step, every healthy snack instead of a cookie, every situp – each and every move is another one closer to your goals. It adds up, friends – so don’t just wait for it to happen. Go out and make it so! Develop your plan, write it down and tell someone else that you trust. It’s a lot harder to let that other person down.

When you make your list and check it twice, take time to consider each item. Does it fit with the goals you want to achieve? What about your workout buddies, your accountability partners? Will they be comfortable with your list, or will you be solo for some of the items? Not that there’s anything wrong with that – but you are more likely to do the work with a partner – and you may get more out of it that way too.

Once your plan is set, it’s time to go to work. Focus on the task at hand; it can be easy to check out when you are running, for example. Don’t let yourself get distracted by all the crazy thoughts running through your head; focus on your form and work on doing it right. The more efficient you are, the better.

So yes, it may take some time, and you are in the middle of the ride. There will be plateaus and new challenges, and your goals may change over time. Sometimes the thing you didn’t even know you were looking for will come into focus, even years later. When I started this journey three years ago, I would have laughed in your face if you told me I would be smiling while I signed up for some of these events. Yet here I am; I’m all in. How about you?

Photo by Kyndall Ramirez on Unsplash

My Hands Are Full

With over 7 miles of mud and obstacles behind us and about one mile to go, the race has been shut down. The expected bad weather is arriving right on schedule, and it could get ugly (possible hail, high winds, heavy rain). There are a couple thousand Spartans on the course north of Chicago, with about 100 of us on this hill. The volunteer lady is getting the crappy job of delivering bad news to us; we can smell the finish line and are ready to push on, but the call has been made. She’s being peppered with questions.

In true racer fashion, most of them revolve around shirts, medals, and race times (and the availability of beer…). She assures us the clock has been paused; the race is suspended – so if we run on ahead and cross the line (several did), there will be no swag. No finisher shirts, no medals (and no clear answer on the beer). We all joke about that – we’ll do anything for a shirt and a medal, right?

But really, why are we all out here? Why do I do this? I know my beautiful, sainted wife wonders what is wrong with me… Originally, it was the challenge. I wanted to prove I could do it – prove it to me, and to anyone else who saw me. I like to act all “this is me, take it or leave it”, but let’s be honest – who doesn’t like to have people be a little impressed with them?

Now I’m three years and two trifectas in, and yes, that challenge is still there. I have race skills I need to work on, but I’m probably not going to trifecta this year – so that wasn’t a major concern when, in the end, we were pulled off the course. No shirts, no medals for any of us who didn’t jump the fire.

The frustration bubbled over for some folks (looking at you, ridiculously obnoxious bro hurling insults at the volunteer by bag check!); it’s a big commitment of time, training, money. Doing this type of event is a huge deal for a lot of people; it’s often a bucket list item. Racers have their real lives, responsibilities, day to day challenges. When we get out there, it’s our time, our moment to prove it.

The race is not a workout; the race is showing what we gained in all the workouts. It’s proving to yourself, and yes to others, that you are stronger, tougher, faster than you realized. It’s confirming what we mean when we say, “You can do it. You just don’t know you can do it – yet.”

Empty Hands?

All of this makes walking away with nothing to show for it difficult. But was there really nothing to show?

I was able to meet some fantastic 1DOS sharks in person for the first time.
We watched a first time racer surprise herself with how strong she was. Mal, you flat killed it out there!
We got to cheer on our scholarship recipient as she crushed her first ever 5k back in New York.

Schedules being what they were, we couldn’t be there side by side. She knew we were with her in spirit, though, just like the two sharks that ran in with her to the finish.

As we stood in line for the shuttle bus, having just had the storm that ended our race break all over our heads, soaking wet, cold, hungry – I was talking to a Spartan employee. He thanked us for smiling; it was a crappy situation for everyone, but it certainly wasn’t his fault. I could vent at him and be a jerk, but what exactly would that serve? I would still be wet, cold, hungry. And he’d still be wet and cold, too. (I don’t know if he was hungry, I didn’t ask. 😉 )

Was I frustrated? No doubt about it. Hell, I slid down a 15 foot slope, landing on my shoulder in the mud for this! On reflection, though, I was reminded why I really do this. As post after post came through, our friends, our shark shiver, our families reminding us that we faced the challenge and crushed it – and the weather preventing us from jumping the fire didn’t change that.

In your life, what do you face your challenges for? Is it a medal and shirt? Is it a paycheck? The satisfaction of helping someone or beating a deadline? For me, I know my why. It’s my family – all of them. Some of my family are related by blood and marriage, but a lot of them are not of relation. They are my shiver, my brothers and sisters in spirit.

My hands could not be more full.

The Aftermath

After getting stuck in the parking lot, pushing the van out, driving 90 minutes to our hotel, and finally showering – we celebrated. HARD. The party was just as good without a medal as in previous years, for the record. So no, I am not leaving Chicago empty handed. The aches and scrapes, the “Spartan kisses,” will fade, but the smiles and joy and friendships, new and renewed – they are here to stay.

A Matter of Trust

“Take My Hand”, Photo by Joseph Chan on Unsplash

At this time two years ago, I was getting ready for my first Spartan race. Slightly terrified of what was to come, I’d been training for months. Since I didn’t really know what it would be like, I was just going on recommendations from my friends and the Spartan website. In the end, I was challenged, I was pushed, I beat most of the obstacles, and yes, I did burpees. Oh, yeah, and I freaking loved it!

Last year, and again this year on June 1, we have taken first and second-timers out with us at the Chicago Super, and shared the experience. Both times, I’ve heard and seen the nerves from them – the same nerves I felt before (if I’m being honest, the same nerves I still feel on race day). With the unknown sitting before them, they are putting their faith, their trust, in us to challenge them but not overwhelm them.

This is something we take seriously, and frankly I’m honored to get that trust. I want them to know that we’re going to help each other through the race, and that we start together and finish together. We won’t put them in a situation that they aren’t capable of handling, but we will challenge them to beat their fears. And, in some rare cases, we may threaten each other with forced compliance. (I’m not saying I DID tell Amy I would drag her over the fire jump by her hair – that she was finishing one way or another – but I’m not denying it either!)

Who Do You Trust?

There are plenty of jokes out there about fitness instructors, but the reality is a good trainer knows you better than you know yourself. They know when to push, when to encourage, and when to tell you to suck it up.

In turn, we trust them to challenge us and help transform us into our desired end product. Those are the ones that get us coming back to every class, every meeting – the ones who believed in us before we believed in ourselves.

My co-founder Amy loves to tell the story of when she began this phase of her fitness journey. There was a trainer who would challenge her to go harder, lift heavier, run faster. Amy would respond, “I can’t” and the answer was always, “You can! You just don’t know you can.”

When all is said and done, there’s the rub. We can learn to trust our family, our friends (even that crazy friend who talks us into doing ridiculous things – every time!), the trainer who knows how to get us to the next level – but in the end, we have to learn how to trust ourselves.

Trust Me, You Should Trust Yourself

Commit yourself. Set a goal, create that challenge, and surround yourself with the people who push you to be your best. If you are short a few of those, drop me a line at karl@1dosf.org or join us at Team 1DOS. We will stand with you, whatever your goal is!

Once you have the target and the support system, go to work. Trust your trainer, trust your plan – and trust yourself. You CAN do it, you just don’t know you can.

Yet.

We know you can, though, and will help you get there. Follow the plan, put in the work, prepare yourself properly to avoid injury, and I will see you at the fire jump.

This time is different. This time, you are prepared. This time, you have us with you. You aren’t swimming alone.

This time you’ve got nothing to lose
You can take it, you can leave it, whatever you choose
I won’t hold back anything
And I’ll walk away a fool or a king
Billy Joel, “A Matter Of Trust” 1985

The Best Policy

I have a teenage son. <pause for condolences and appreciative sighs> Thank you for that. The Boy is a good kid, (mostly) kind, funny, smart, and active. He’s also a huge damn liar. <gasp – what??? A teenage boy who isn’t entirely honest with his parents??? I am shocked!>

Every school year runs the same course – he starts out strong, the teachers love him, grades are all A’s. Second quarter the shine starts to wear off, he loses focus and it gets a little bumpy. Third quarter he picks up the pace a little, and fourth quarter is a stagger to the finish line. Spring fever takes over, distractions increase – he figures the die is set for the year and starts to phone it in.

Recently he had some missing in-class assignments in science; he told us he had forgotten to put his name on them but found them in the “no name” bin and took care of that. Today we got a message from another teacher; I emailed the science teacher on a whim and asked about the assignments. The response? They were still missing, and the teacher doesn’t have a no name bin.

Lying, like any other decision, has consequences in our household. The Boy will not enjoy those consequences, but it won’t change behavior any time soon. He was focused on other things, so he said whatever he thought would get the situation tabled and allow him to focus on those “more important” things. It was a lie of convenience; whatever he wanted to do at the time was more valuable to him than the fear of the potential punishment.

Why Would You Lie To Yourself?

Here’s the thing – we all lie to ourselves to postpone the “punishment”. I hold The Boy accountable; that’s my job as a father. What is my job as an adult? Do I hold myself accountable? Am I fully present when I’m with my family? Do I give the best effort I can each day at work? Are my workouts 100% of what I can do that day – or do I phone it in some days?

I don’t believe that we can be our absolute best self every single day – that’s an unrealistic view of life. We can, however, give the best we have THAT DAY. If I am not doing that, I’m selling myself short. We all have our excuses, of course. Those excuses are just ways we rationalize our internal (and external) lies. As my friend says, “We are all knee deep in something. Either you want it or you don’t. Excuses are like assholes. Everyone has them and they all stink!!”

TL:DR – If You’re Going to Commit, then Commit!

“I would have worked out today but it was raining.” Oh, really? Find a treadmill, do calisthenics in your living room, do something. “There’s not enough time for me to get my work done.” Yet there’s plenty of time for you to be on social media… “I would eat better, but I don’t have time.” Meal prep in advance, keep quick and easy healthy food on hand. I got a million of them!

There is not an inherent right or wrong here; I want to be clear about that. It is not right to exercise, or not exercise. It is not right to make one choice or another. As long as you are not making up excuses to cover yourself, you are doing what you think is best for you today. However, when you say you are going to finish the project, then find “reasons” to do other things? You are lying to yourself (and your coworkers). When you show up for the test unprepared, but it’s not your fault because… whatever… you get the point.

Look, it’s not always easy. I certainly make my share of excuses. I’m working on it, trying to be better. Checking your form covers a lot of areas – running, posture, work ethic, honesty. Lying to ourselves is often easier than facing the harsh truth and working on our problem areas. Blaming others and not taking responsibility feels better in the short term. What it doesn’t do is fix the problem!

Take a little time to check your form. If you aren’t being truthful with yourself or others, make the changes you need. Others will notice a difference – and so will you!

Photo by Andrew Butler on Unsplash

Check Your Form

Between weather and my life in general (tax season is a stressful time of year), I haven’t run outside much this year. Having worked out hard the previous couple of days, I set out recently on a fine spring morning for a run focusing not on time, but on my form. I’ve realized that I tend to “run tense” – shoulders clenched and bunched high, fists tight, choppy steps. It feels like I’m working harder and going faster.

Head high, back straight, run tall

It feels that way because I am working harder – but not in a good way. By clenching up I take away my natural body flow and breathing pattern. The choppy steps minimize the natural advantage of my long legs. As I got more into running my speed improved, but eventually I hit a wall. It took a new coach’s perspective to make me see I was limiting myself by trying too hard. I needed to relax.

Arms hanging by my side from shoulder to elbow

I haven’t forgotten that I’m the guy who told you “if you don’t ever run fast, you won’t ever run fast.” That may sound directly opposed to this, but bear with me. If you have to give a speech, everyone will tell you take a deep breath, imagine the audience naked, focus on breathing, etc. If you have a huge project to finish at work, do you clench your fists and make yourself tense? Or do you try to relax and focus your mind to get the best outcome?

Elbows bent 90 degrees

Try Easier

Running fast does NOT mean running “hard” – in fact, that may slow you down.

In an interesting experiment with Olympic runners, they were asked to run the first race at 100 percent intensity level (or in other words, they were asked to try as hard as they can).
In the second race, the runners were asked to give 90 percent (or in other words, they were asked to try easier).
Amazingly, they ran faster at the 90 percent intensity level.
– Dr. Gregg Steinberg, via
https://www.thepositiveencourager.global/t-try-easy-rather-try-hard/

Hands relaxed, not clenched, and never crossing in front of me

Back to my run: I locked in on form. Went just under 5 miles for a tempo run, didn’t push hard, wasn’t exhausted at the end even after I kicked to my finish line. Oh, yeah, and I was 10 seconds/mile faster than the last time I did the same course. (That time I was wiped at the finish.)

Long stride, mid-foot strike, steady breathing.

Now, there are clearly other factors potentially in play, but I got to the end, feeling great, and was stunned by my pace. It didn’t feel fast because I wasn’t exerting myself as much. I let my mind wander, but kept checking back in and refocusing on shoulders low, hands loose, head high.

Not Just For Running Anymore

This carries over to other parts of life, also. Your “form” affects your results and your outlook. Throughout the day, take a minute and look at yourself. After years of bad eyesight, I tend towards an expression that can look pinched, even angry – even when I’m perfectly happy and content. Not very approachable, especially when I was not only tall but big!

Just now, while writing this, I realized yet again my posture was jacked. Shoulders up, neck tight, slouched down in my chair. I catch myself doing that multiple times a day, and am working to break the habit. It’s bad for my back, my neck, and my mental outlook. I try to take a quick review during the day, relax my “frown” and sit up straight and tall.

When you are traveling on this journey, take a minute to think about HOW you are doing what you do, not just WHAT you are doing. Are you being efficient and giving your best effort? Put a reminder in your calendar, hang a note on your monitor, do whatever it takes. When your watch buzzes at you to move, have your first “step” be a quick evaluation of your form. Try it for a month and tell me if it helps!

Photo by Jeremy Lapak on Unsplash

Two Little Things

Opening Day is a Koelle family tradition. March 28, 2019 will be the 10th straight Royals home opener I will attend with The Boy. It’s a great time every year no matter the weather; I’ve offered to include my beautiful, sainted wife but she always declines. This is a dad-son event, so as much as she loves the ballpark and the game, she doesn’t want to get in the middle.

This year, the opener falls on a tough day. 4 years ago, my good friend/college roommate/best man Jim Caldwell took his own life on March 28. It’s appropriate that we will be at the stadium; Jim loved baseball, heart and soul. We had drifted over the years, as happens, but a couple years earlier, he jumped in the car, drove from Chicago to Kansas City, and surprised me with a visit. Like no time had passed, we told stories on each other and hung out; a great day I will remember forever.

Fittingly, when I heard the news, I was at a ballpark. The Boy had just played a game, and they were gathering for a team photo. Amy messaged me, confused by some posts she had seen. We wound up on the phone, both in shock. At the time, I was down to the last couple weeks of tax season (second job), working out my notice before starting a new day job, going to night school, trying to spend time with the family… and it all came screeching to a halt.

Over the last four years, I’ve gone through almost every emotion over Jim’s decision. I think about him all the time; if you knew Jim you know why. If you didn’t, you missed out on a genuine good soul. My biggest regret is that I didn’t make more of an effort to reach out. I didn’t know what he was going through, what he was dealing with. Would it have changed anything? Obviously, I have no idea.

Eventually I came to terms with the fact that it’s not about me and my emotions; it never was, of course. Jim was dealing with something that I didn’t understand or know about. That’s often the case – too many of us are caught in that space.

How to Help

So many people are struggling; what can you do to help? There are a million ways to help, from donating your time to supporting public mental health organizations. A lot of those are huge steps, and as a wise person told me recently, “if it’s not something I enjoy I’m not going to do it.” Over-commitment is the best way to fail at anything, so start small, one little thing at a time.

Like what, you say? Yesterday, my sister told me two things that put a smile on my face. First, she told me she was proud of me. Then, as a capper, she told me my father (who died when I was 3) would be proud of me also. Walking on air, man. That a couple sentences can make me feel so accomplished is a great reminder of the effect we can have on each other.

I followed that uplift by seeing this today; my good friend Angie posted a link, and this gem was buried in the middle. Sometimes things just resonate. I read it, then read it again. It really hit home – little things making all the difference. Even the things we see as no big deal – they can make a world of difference to someone else.

Here’s my challenge to you: each day, do two small things. I don’t want to turn this into a contest, a post-off where everyone is showing what awesome thing they did; in fact it’s better if you don’t tell anyone. Going back to baseball, Alex Gordon was The Boy’s favorite growing up. Gordon once said that he was taught not to talk about himself, not to brag. If what you are doing is worth talking about, others will say it for you.

So do two things each day: First, tell someone you are proud of them. Tell your kids they are doing a great job. Find that gym buddy who is dragging and let them know you see the hard work they are doing. Not a big thing; it doesn’t cost you anything but a little time. Just you and them – let someone know they matter. Don’t assume they know how you feel – tell them.

Second: talk about someone else. Post a quote that made you smile. Tell the world what your gym buddy said to you. Tell your significant other what your coworker said. Do those little things as an experiment. Let’s try to radically change the future!

The Comparison Conundrum

The Boy asked me once, “What counts as rock music?” Let me just say, there’s nothing quite like a precocious kid to keep you on your toes. There I was, on the spot, trying to define rock and roll. Of course, he had an answer in his head, and I had to convince him otherwise. (Stephen Covey once said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”)

Sammy Hagar told me that there’s only one way to rock, so this shouldn’t have been that hard of a question to answer, right? Rock is… well, what is it exactly? Most people define it based on what they prefer. If you are a heavy music fan, that is rock and the rest is pop. Meanwhile, if you are into alternative, that is your definition of rock and the heavy stuff may be just noise and screaming.

Incidentally, while writing this, I came across this gorgeous graphic showing different types and styles of rock and other 4/4 music styles… I could just stare at this all day – along with this one breaking down hard rock/metal genres with example bands. But, I digress – SQUIRREL!

Uh…. Wut???

What exactly in the hell am I talking about, you ask? I’m saying there is no one simple answer to The Boy’s question. Throughout our lives we try and simplify comparisons – at work, home life, wherever. This is an easy shortcut to relate to anything – you know what A is, so if B is like A you can get your mind around B easily.

For example, every young baseball player gets compared to someone who came before; “he’s the next Mickey Mantle!” has been said more times than anyone can count. No one is the next Mantle; it’s an oversimplified (lazy) way to explain that the kid is very athletic and has huge talent. God forbid a fan just watches the kid play and judges for himself…

It is easier for our brains to lump things into big groups than to think about everything and everyone on their own basis. In truth, though, everything has its own merits and issues; we are all a little different. I train differently than anyone else I know, eat differently, and so on. What I do works for me – YMMV.

Yardsticks

If we know we are all a little different, why do we spend so much time with the yardsticks out, comparing to each other? Does it matter when that guy does 20 burpees in the same time I do 15? Do I care if that lady has 15 pound dumbbells and I have 10’s? Well, uh, yeah, it does and I do. Shouldn’t, but there you go. I’m competitive and I don’t like to “finish second.” I don’t want to get outworked – but, really, that’s listening with the intent to reply.

One of the biggest steps in my journey has been realizing – and standing fast on – what is right for me. Not that guy and his burpees, or that lady and her 15’s. So yes, I notice your dumbbells, but I am using 10’s for a reason. I am following my plan, and if I jump to a bigger weight I may lose form. Then I counteract my gains, or worse, hurt myself.

I look to friends and experts for advice, but I take that advice with a grain of salt. Here’s the thing – I have to live my life, and do what works for me. Where is the line, though? When to follow instruction, and when to veer from the path?

The experts (usually) have experience and knowledge behind them, but a true expert also knows there is wiggle room in there. A wellness journey is not an exact science; A+B does not always equal C here. Often, a trainer in group classes will give modifications to allow for this. Take this to heart; there’s no reason to be so “tough” that you hurt yourself.

Listen to understand; take what you hear and see, and turn it into what you can use. Now get up and get started – it’s time.

Photo by Charles 🇵🇭 on Unsplash

Time

Ticking away the moments that make up the dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
-Pink Floyd, “Time” 1973

When I was in my twenties, I had settled into a routine. Sure, my plans hadn’t come together the way I envisioned in high school. I was NOT working on my doctorate in Biochemistry at UC Davis – I was manager of a fast food joint. (Totally almost the same thing!) I was, however, deeply in love with my beautiful sainted wife, having fun, and busy all the time – or so it seemed.

Then I got the call one Friday that my grandfather was not doing well, and if I wanted to see him one last time, it should be soon. We planned to see him two days later – but the next morning, while getting ready for work, the call came that he was gone. It shook me, but I tried to go about my business. I had to go to work, right? In the car, on the way to work, “Time” came on. I pulled the car over and cried…

Not Wasted Time

And I know what’s been on your mind
You’re afraid it’s all been wasted time
-Eagles, “Wasted Time” 1976

In a perfect world, this would be where I realized not to wait to tell people I love them, to go after my dreams, to make things happen… Yeah, that would be cool – but it wouldn’t be real. This is not a perfect world, and after spending a period of time moping and blaming my grandmother for not letting us know sooner; blaming my job so I “couldn’t” go right away (bullshit, of course I could have); blaming anything and anyone but myself – I slipped back into the same old routines. I spent time with my wife, worked, hung out with friends, but didn’t push myself outside my comfort zone.

I don’t regret that part of my life; far from it. That is part of who I am now; I’ve said this before. What I do regret is not realizing that I controlled my own destiny. That was a long learning cycle for me; I was still solidly in the victim/blaming phase of my life at that time.

It’s a tough habit to break; I still backslide some days. Blaming someone or something else is so much easier than being accountable! Until you stop letting other people control your outcomes, you can’t get where you want to go. I would sit on the couch and wish I was in better shape, wish I could play catch with The Boy and not get winded… There was always a reason I “couldn’t” get started (again, bullshit!).

Raising a child will give a whole new perspective on that blame game; I realize watching The Boy the lessons I’ve learned and try to help him see that he is responsible for his own decisions. However, the truth is we don’t learn from other people’s mistakes – we generally need to stumble and fall ourselves before it sinks in. Sometimes we need to fall a couple of times and whack our head before it registers!

New Beginnings

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end
-Semisonic, “Closing Time” 1998

We are made of our past. This is true physically as well as emotionally. I have talked about this before; like my extra skin, there may be parts of us we wish could change. They are a constant reminder, though, of how far we have come and how much work went into that journey.

It’s important to remember, though, that we DO have the power to change ourselves and our environment. Every day I get up and go, I am making the choice to (continue to) change. Each time I offer support to someone else on their journey, I’m helping my own.

We have to keep moving, because time doesn’t wait around for us. We can learn, change, grow – or we can get left in the dust. So get up, get moving, make something happen. It’s time.

You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.
-Semisonic, “Closing Time” 1998

Featured image:
Photo by Josh Newton on Unsplash

Reset, Not Rebuild

Sports teams hate to say they are rebuilding. That word signals fans that they are going to have ugly years ahead of them, as the roster gets parted out and the club starts over. Instead, GMs will say they are resetting or reloading, sending a message that the development and work of the last few years isn’t all wasted. It’s just being reorganized and forming a strong core for the future.

As we know, this is just semantics – but your fitness journey is a mental game also, and the psychology of how we talk to ourselves (and others) is critical. I play these games with myself – counting reps down instead of up feels like you’re closer to done, for example. What can I say; it works for me!

Over the last few weeks, several of my friends have talked about being in a rut. They just can’t get in a groove. It happens this time of year: December/January, of course, are traditionally a time to reflect and set goals going forward. Resolutions get made (and often broken almost immediately…), challenges set forth. It’s also the middle of winter; less daylight combined with bad weather can make it hard to stay upbeat and focused.

Hit the Reset

In some ways, your journey is no different than those teams. Don’t turn your fitness plan into a complete rebuild – that implies there is nothing worth keeping. You are not starting over, after all! The person you are becoming is informed and built off the core you have in place. Every one of us has good and bad experiences that have made us who we are. Even if you’ve been sidelined for the last few years, you can use the things you’ve seen and learned during that time as part of a reset. Don’t throw that away!

When you find yourself struggling, are you rebuilding? Or just resetting? At 1DOS we talk constantly about progress, not perfection. Don’t expect miracles overnight – but don’t let struggles keep you from moving forward. After all, the best time to start exercising, like planting a tree, is ten years ago. The second best time is today!

How to Build a Plan

In order to build your plan, you need to know 2 things: where you are now, and where you want to end up. Then it’s creating the map to get from A to B – and following the map! Yes, there will be changes and adjustments along the way; life will happen and you will react to that. To start the process, you need that plan. I would suggest writing it down. That makes it real; sharing it with others takes it another step as well.

The hardest part about this will probably be writing down honestly where you are now. Most people don’t give themselves enough credit. Don’t tell yourself you can’t run at all, if what you mean is you can’t run more than 30 seconds at a stretch. There is a huge difference there! If you have a trusted friend or partner you can talk to, ask them to take a look at your self-assessment and give feedback.

Once you know what your strengths and areas to focus on are, and you know what you want to get to, then chart a path. Gym friends, personal trainers, the interwebs – these are all legit resources to use here. If you want to go Couch to 5K, and your friend did that last year – hey, maybe talk with her! If you want to do a Spartan, find a Spartan and ask them! (My email is karl@1dosf.org by the way). There are a million great training plans to start you on your path, as well.

While you are working, you will find things in your plan that do and don’t work well for you. Adjust, reset (again), and go forward. As long as you keep moving you will get better every day. Need to take a day, or a week, or a month for an injury, or life, or whatever? That happens. When you are ready, get right back out there – but remember, you are NOT starting over!

Hit RESET and go get it done!