goals

Can’t Isn’t A Thing

I had this post half written in my head. I knew what I wanted to say, where I wanted to go with it… then I got busy with life stuff and didn’t get it down on paper. Along the way, this image popped up in a memory. I posted it a year ago, and reposted it. People laughed as intended, but the more I looked at it, the more it struck me.

Who of us hasn’t fixated on the issue and lost the thread, the ability to find the answer? Look, our minds are annoying things sometimes. We lock in on the problem, on the negative, and ignore the positives. I’ve talked about this before, of course, and will again. It’s something we all deal with. It’s never going to go completely away – we just have to learn to put it in its place.

We put ourselves in a box and struggle to get out of it. The language we use when we speak to ourselves is a key part of the issue. The more I looked at this picture, the more I thought about “can’t”.

Can’t Get It Out Of My Head (ELO)

I could never count of the number of times I’ve said “I can’t” in the last couple years, much less ever. I hear it all the time, too. So let’s start with some of my all time hits:

I can’t work out, I’m too busy.

I can’t run.

I can’t do that right now, I need to rest for a few minutes. (This was a common refrain after mowing the lawn – with a self-propelled mower I might add – and The Boy wanted to do, well, anything.)

The list goes on, of course. Maybe you see some of your faves in there. Look, let’s be real – a lot of the time when we knee jerk with “I can’t,” what we are really saying is “I don’t want to” or “I’m not willing to.” Of course, we will never admit that to ourselves or others, so it’s easier to say “I can’t.”

I was at a run club last week; one of the guys was talking about his legs being tight and sore. Apparently a couple of weeks earlier he was advised to do stretching and foam rolling; his answer was, “I don’t want to do the work though.” While I’ll give him props for his honesty, the leg stretch fairy isn’t going to take care of it for you… So you can do the work or deal with the soreness.

So many times I hear things like “I can’t run” – when what they really mean is “I can’t run like that person” or “I can’t run as fast as I want to” – and that’s where our brains really get in the way. We put unfair standards on ourselves and see someone running six minute miles (looking at you guys, Joe and Aaron), so if we don’t do that, we’re failing. Then, once we’ve “tried” and failed (to meet unreasonable standards), we can let ourselves off the hook.

Usain Bolt (you may have heard of him) said “I trained 4 years to run 9 seconds. Some people don’t see results in 2 months and give up.” I love this quote; believe me I fully understand that he’s a gifted athlete and I could train for 40 years and not run like he does. The point is, though, that this doesn’t happen overnight. We talk about goals and intermediate steps a lot; little wins along the way keep you motivated.

The next time you start to say, “I can’t” – just pause for a second and think about the standard you are trying to reach. “I can’t run like Eliud Kipchoge” is not the same as “I can’t run.” If you run for 30 seconds today, you are a runner. You can run. Now try for 45 seconds tomorrow. Build your stamina and your pace. You can run – so get that out of your head!

Not One Minute More

I need room to breathe, I work for the goals that I set
Wasted time weighs on my mind
You can bet
I can’t wait one minute more
– CIV, Can’t Wait One Minute More

The other “can’t” I want to touch on is the procrastination one. Yes, you have a ton going on. You can’t do it right now. But you can! You find time to read some lousy blog post (easy now…) for five minutes, or check in on Julietta Whoeverthefuck’s Facebook posts, or do whatever you do. You can make it happen if it matters to you. Stop making excuses, stop wasting precious minutes, and make it happen – or stop complaining about it!

Everyone wants to be the hero of their own story, to paraphrase John Barth. In reality, though, there is a thin line. A lot of us tend to play the victim, the tragic figure, with the odds stacked against us. Sure, it makes extra drama in the movies – but when you assume that role in your head, you can start to believe it. That’s where “I can’t” comes from – if truly the whole world is against you, then yes, it will be nearly impossible.

Take a moment, though, look around, and realize that you are not so alone. Who is your core, your tribe, your “ride or die”? If you don’t acknowledge their help and support, if you insist you are all alone, you are dissing them whether you mean to or not.

I love goal setting, so here’s my goal for you. Go one week without saying “I can’t” in any context. Just remove it from your vocabulary for one week. See how it feels. Trust yourself and your people. Now go out and live it! I ~~can’t~~ can hardly wait to hear how it goes!

Photo by Moritz Mentges on Unsplash

We Can’t All Be Heroes

I’m a big fan of clever lyrics and poetry. The artists who deliver wordplay which makes me think and touches my soul, all while being clever and funny over an interesting musical track – whatever the style of music – are amazing. One of my favorites writes a lot about how he “should” be more famous, more successful – and the various reasons it hasn’t happened.

It’s hard enough not to crack under the pressure of average expectations
Wax, “We Can’t All Be Heroes” 2013

Ah, yes, great expectations: what we put on ourselves, and what we allow others to impose on us. Before you remind me “you talk about big hairy goals all the time!”, yes, I do – and that’s different. Goals are targets, and involve a plan to reach them. If you say, “My goal is to run a marathon by age 40!” and have no plan of how to turn that into reality – it’s not a goal, it’s a wish. With a plan in place to build distance and stamina, register for events to prove out that development, and a specific target race to finish your process, it’s an attainable goal.

Expectations, though, have little or nothing to do with plans and process. The word is often used interchangeably with “goals” and as a catchphrase (“expect success”), but defines as “a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future”. Believing in yourself is important, but expecting unrealistic things – things you aren’t willing to work and sacrifice for – is a recipe for failure.

I expected to be a biochemist/geneticist when I was in high school. Then I got to college and screwed around, partied, and didn’t put in the work. Eventually I dropped out before they asked me to leave. That messed with my head for years; until then, I never had to work to be successful in school. Athletic failure I was familiar with. Academically, though, I expected to be able to do whatever I chose.

I think for some of us the dream’s too vivid
And the gift we’ve been given is the curse that comes with it
If you strive for perfection and progress
You beat your own ass in the process
Wax, “We Can’t All Be Heroes” 2013

We are usually our own toughest critics. Most of us will cut someone else any number of breaks, rationalize their struggles, and forgive their failings. But our own missteps? No chance, man. We will punish ourselves, forever in some instances, even if we “know” it’s not our fault.

This isn’t just about your own expectations, though. When you let others impose expectations, when you accept those as your own, you fight a battle that can’t be won. Why? Because their expectations of you aren’t based on you, but are a part of their own reality, their history, their life, their issues.

Stop judging me
I just want to live comfortably
And I ain’t talking about wealth
I’m talking about my brain
I’m talking about mental health
Wax, “We Can’t All Be Heroes” 2013

When you are at the gym, your job, wherever – are you worried about what the person next to you thinks of what you are doing? Or are you focused on yourself and your goals? One of the biggest things I have realized is that generally people aren’t paying attention to me or anyone else.

That’s a bit of an ego hit, right? We are all the centerpiece of our own stories; that’s human nature. However, I am not the centerpiece of YOUR story. Accepting that goes a long way towards focusing on what I can control.

Stop judging me
I look around and suddenly
I realize that there’s nobody else
The only one judging me is myself
Wax, “We Can’t All Be Heroes” 2013

So what’s the moral here? It’s down to this: you can choose to be controlled by expectations, ideas of “the perfect you” which can never be met. Alternately, you can accept that you are human, and work to achieve the things that matter to you. Live your life all in. If you come up short of your goal, you regroup, get a new plan, and go back to work. We can’t all be heroes – but we can give our best effort every day.

Cover Photo by Samuel Regan-Asante on Unsplash

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Like, there’s bad words in here and stuff:

I’m All In

At 1DOS Foundation, we love to support folks who are ALL IN. That’s why we are excited to launch Richard’s Racers. Named for my father, Capt. Richard Koelle, this arm of the Foundation will sponsor race fees for candidates. Whether a 5k, a Spartan Beast, or anything in between, if you are committed to changing your life, we are committed to helping ease the financial burden so you can crush your goal.

As you wrap up your night and think about tomorrow, are you prepared to achieve your goals – or is it going to be the same stuff, different day? In the end, progress comes down to commitment – you get up and do it, or it doesn’t get done.

Do or do not. There is no try.
Yoda

Yes, that’s right, I’m quoting a Muppet. I mean, I could have used Animal as my motivational speaker, but I went with a true philosopher. Yoda possesses a level of Zen simplicity – and I’m the guy who told you “if you don’t ever run fast, you won’t ever run fast” – so the green guy is clearly my style.

Let’s get back to the point, though. If you are like most of us, you have had stops and starts on your wellness journey. Tried this plan, that diet, joined a gym, made a resolution… Eventually, you reach a point where you are all in, or you are not.

Change is Scary

You must unlearn what you have learned.
Yoda

You may not be ready for an all in commitment. To change your diet, your life, trust someone, change everything you have known – those are big steps. It’s okay to not be ready. Yeah, I’m not supposed to say that. I’m supposed to tell you “jump in with both feet and go for it.” And yes, I DO think you should go for it – but I’m not you. I can’t say when is the right time for you. You have to decide that for yourself; otherwise I am just pushing string. (Think about it for a second.)

We are told the right and wrong ways to live, eat, exercise our whole lives. The big realization that led to 1DOS Foundation and our online group is that there is no one right answer – but the right answer comes from inside you. One of us has probably experienced at least a part of what you are going through, and can be your 1 Degree of Separation to help you reach your goal.

The truth is you can get stronger, healthier, and improve your life by making small changes. You can change and grow. To a point.

Are You In?

Named must be your fear before banish it you can.
Yoda

… I can’t learn anything from you, I can’t read in some fuckin’ book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I’m fascinated. I’m in. But you don’t want to do that, do you sport? You’re terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.
Sean Maguire (Robin Williams), Goodwill Hunting

Life is like water; it has a way of finding its own level. At some point, you can’t go any farther or get any better, by doing things halfway. When this happens, whether your fitness journey, your career, or personal life, it’s time to commit or move on. Playing it safe is only going to get you so far. Until you go all in, there is no reaching the pinnacle.

Pro tip: Failure is a real possibility, and that is scary.

If you want to run fast, you have to run fast. If you want to climb the rope, you have to climb the rope. The answer is hard work and dedication. The question doesn’t really matter – whatever your goal is, the answer remains the same. You have to get past the fear and get into who you are, why you are the way you are, and go to work. Yes it’s scary – but the reward is so worth it.

And if you fall down? (Hint – you probably will.) You get back up and go again. After all:

The greatest teacher, failure is.
Yoda

To Lift Yourself Up…

Pass on what you have learned.
Yoda

While on your journey, when you reach your pinnacle, don’t lose awareness of those around you on their own journeys. Reach out and find someone who needs a hand. When you can bring another person closer to their goals, when you can be that 1 Degree – then you will know you are truly ALL IN.

Cover photo by Jörg Angeli on Unsplash

Today Is The Day

Everyone, I’d like you to meet my spirit animal – Carl the Cat.

First off, if you don’t like cats, we may not be able to be friends. Cats carry that independent “screw you” spirit while simultaneously knowing that they need help sometimes (damn this lack of opposable thumbs!).

I understand that attitude and appreciate it. This is my journey; I am the only one who is going to get it accomplished, so I have to make it happen. Some days, though, I need accountability buddies and someone to lean on. I need someone to talk to, yowl, and paw at (apologies to my beautiful, sainted wife).

So, yeah, I get cats and where they are coming from. Carl, in particular, is my kind of guy; this picture always makes me smile. The pose, the way he’s looking in the mirror with his chin up a little – he totally looks like he’s giving himself a pep talk. It’s pretty perfect, really. (Purr-fect? Sorry…)

We all need that some days; to look ourselves in the eye and say, hey, you can do this shit. You’re not going to quit. You’re not going to let the tired or the stress or the whatever beat you – not today.

Get Inspired

Inspiration comes from different places. Recently we had a new shark post a video, saying she wasn’t sure if this was OK to put in our FB group. Miles, who has cerebral palsy, dead lifts 200 pounds in the video. It’s an inspiring story of someone persevering against seemingly impossible odds.

That, of course, is EXACTLY the kind of thing we are looking for. Some days are harder than others; some days that mountain seems too big. We all have those days. When you are stuck, when you can’t go another step, remember Miles overcoming his obstacles. For me, that makes my struggles seem small and lets me refocus.

That Red Dot

Carl has been chasing that red dot forever with no luck – but he doesn’t give up. Yes, it’s instinct – but that’s not a bad thing. When you are changing and rearranging your life, there is no single finish line. There are benchmarks and goals along the way, but you’re never “done”.

The finish line, the red dot, keeps moving on you. Sometimes it gets pushed farther down because you’ve changed your goals as you gained strength. Occasionally it moves laterally (or all around in circles) as life throws twists and turns your way. When that happens, you can take a pause, take a breath, regroup – but DO NOT GIVE UP.

Take some time, look yourself in the mirror, and remind yourself that today is the day. You will go out there, and you will catch that red dot – or at least the next goal along your path to the red dot. Then you get up tomorrow and go after that damn red dot again. Keep challenging yourself, and you’ll be surprised how far you can chase it!

Karl Koelle Dot Com